86. At Last, I Understood Why One Cries Where the Lights Fade

Isha kept her knife pressed against Bai Haonan’s waist for the entire movie, giving him every chance and every test, and Bai Haonan answered each one like a textbook underground operative.

In the end, it was she who said, “Are you really going to keep living like this, not caring about me at all?”

Bai Haonan looked ready to die for his cause. “If I cared about you, I wouldn’t drag you into this mess with me. A man like me—what else am I supposed to do besides mess around?”

Isha rose with great solemnity and reached for Chen Sufen. “Then we’re both leaving you?”

Chen Sufen found the threat oddly amusing and stood up to play along.

Bai Haonan sprang up at once. “Fine! I’ll see you out!”

The two girls held themselves together and went downstairs.

After they left the cinema, Chen Sufen softened again. “Old Nan, I know the way I see life isn’t your fault. But leaving like this... I really can’t see any hope anymore.”

But Bai Haonan, shameless as ever, said, “Then stay one more night? Let’s have a proper breakup fling. At least it’ll make things easier if we ever meet again.” His eyes, however, were fixed on the two girls, and anyone with even a little experience in Japanese adult films would know exactly what filthy idea he had in mind.

Chen Sufen was so furious she seized his wrist and threw him over her shoulder.

Isha did not draw her knife. Instead, she watched Bai Haonan’s every move with bright, burning eyes. In the end, it was Chen Sufen who dragged her away. The two girls had brought nothing with them; they turned and left at once, and from far off he could hear Chen Sufen already beginning to cry.

Isha, younger by a few years, tried to comfort her, but that only made Chen Sufen’s resolve to flee even firmer. She knew that if she hesitated even for a moment longer, she might not be able to leave. At that point, any means of escape would do, whether a taxi, a bus, or a long-distance coach—anything that could carry her far away from that man.

What was a little strange was that Isha offered no resistance at all. She only looked back once, then followed Chen Sufen and vanished at the corner of the bustling commercial district.

And Bai Haonan?

He just lay there on the ground, too lazy even to get up. The astonished looks of passersby were like an itch through a boot, touching him not at all.

Staring up at the glittering, neon-bright skyline of the county city, he broke into that same idiot grin and muttered to himself, “You want to fight me? You lousy women still aren’t good enough!”

He kept up the performance of a complete lunatic for at least half an hour. By then, people had gathered to watch and even take photos on their phones to post online. Only then did he spring up, jubilant. “Ha! This time I’m really free... yes!”

Maybe men who spend their whole lives unable to find girlfriends could never understand this hunger for freedom. Bai Haonan even trotted back to the parking lot to get his car, having already decided he couldn’t be bothered to go back for the few remaining things in the hotel. Most of them were bags Isha had packed up and carried back and forth for him anyway. Better to rush straight toward the world of freedom.

Bai Haonan probably rarely cared about the deposit at the hotel front desk.

But one small detail changed his route. By the edge of the parking lot, just as he was about to open the car door, he noticed two or three stray dogs on a pile of garbage behind him, barking and pouncing at something with lively excitement. It was a county city, after all; shiny as it might look on the surface, plenty of corners had not yet caught up with that shine—back-alley trash heaps, packs of wandering stray dogs, and the like.

In a spirit of idle freedom, Bai Haonan picked up a broken brick nearby and hurled it over. The dogs scattered in alarm, revealing another dog inside, one that was struggling desperately to fight back, though its movements were already weak. Its fur was filthy and matted, its nose seemed to be rotting with some kind of wound, and the only part of it still able to hold itself up were its forelegs. It could not even bark; it only opened its mouth in vain before collapsing back onto the ground.

Bai Haonan snorted with a shake of his head and got in the car. In this day and age, human life was no more valuable than a dog’s. But just as he had started the engine and pulled out of the space, he saw those stray dogs gather around it again in the rearview mirror, and for some reason he grew irritated. He braked hard and yanked the handbrake with too much force, then got out in a rush, snatching the long sheathed blade from the passenger seat as he jumped down. He swung it like a club to drive the dogs off, and with one glance he scooped up Ada and put it in the car.

Ada was the name it received only after this brown dog somehow survived. At the time, Bai Haonan had already decided it was doomed. When he laid it out on the passenger-side floor, he could clearly feel a depression in its chest. Any football player would know that meant a broken rib or two. Bai Haonan himself had once caused injuries like that on the pitch. Both hind legs were surely broken; you could only tell once he lifted the dog and saw them hanging limp. Its upper jaw was broken too; the teeth were all ruined. Its nose had probably been torn open days ago, and the wound was now oozing pus. To Bai Haonan’s sudden intervention, the dog gave no resistance at all, because it was probably already on the brink of starvation, light as a feather.

In the end, Bai Haonan drove back to the little villa. First he found the takeaway bags Isha had stored in the fridge and picked out a few dishes to heat in the microwave. Then he used his expensive electric trimmer to shave the dog’s fur right there in the bathtub.

Ada was almost just a puddle of rotten mud, letting him do as he pleased, but the filth and stench were far worse than Bai Haonan had expected. He had only ever played with pets in the company of women, and he had seriously underestimated how hard it would be to clean the thing up. After a long struggle to shave off all the fur, he used the disinfectant in the villa to wash the dog all over, then found the healing ointments and bandages Chen Sufen had bought for him in her room. By the time he finished applying medicine, wiping the wounds, and wrapping everything up, more than two hours had passed. Conveniently, the food had cooled to room temperature by then.

Even though both hind legs had been splinted with chopsticks, the smell of the food still made Ada struggle forward on its forelegs. Then it laid its head weakly on the plate and could only use its tongue to lick the food into its mouth.

Bai Haonan washed his hands, sat beside it, opened the last two beers in the fridge, and drank them slowly, occasionally using the few utensils in the kitchen to push the food closer to the dog’s mouth.

Two straight hours of focused attention had clearly dulled his earlier emotions.

Especially watching such a miserable dog still fighting desperately to stay alive, Bai Haonan suddenly felt nothing at all. He mashed together the remaining food in the fridge into a bowl and heated it for himself as well. When the dog had finished eating, he lifted it onto the passenger seat, pushed the seat as far back as it would go, spread a sheet over the cleared floor area as a makeshift hospital bed, then roughly gathered up everything he could take and tossed it onto the back seat before setting off again.

The highway was pitch-black, and with a little alcohol in him, Bai Haonan was mildly tipsy. He knew his own tolerance well enough; this was nothing. Yet compared with the night he had fled Jiangzhou, something felt different. At the very least, when Bai Haonan turned his head, he could see the reflected gleam in the eyes of the dog on the passenger-side floor, straining to lift its head and look at him.

A life that had been lying on the ground, hanging by a thread, seemed to sense only that he had turned his head and would painfully raise itself to meet his gaze. It suddenly made Bai Haonan feel that he was no longer alone. At the very least, there was a dog keeping him company.

And a dog would not try to mother him and control everything, would it?

As long as you gave it food, a dog would ask for nothing more. It ought to be more loyal than a woman, right?

Bai Haonan suddenly grinned like an idiot and decided he would do his best to save this dog’s life. Yes. With that thought, he decided to find an exit ahead, get off the highway, and look for a pet clinic or some other place to see whether there was any treatment at all.

He did not have much hope. But at that moment, this was the only little goal he had.